literature

Florida and New York: Apples and Peaches

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Though the Empire State hadn't been thrilled with the move, let's face it, the middle class of New York City was in trouble and he needed to go find jobs for his people elsewhere. Luckily the number of foreign immigrants coming to his city more than made up for the losses, but it was still unpleasant and he worried about his people striking out on their own. Downgrading could be stressful, after all.

This had been going on for decades, but with the recent economic downturns it seemed to become more and more prominent of an issue to him. Chicago and Detroit were in just as bad of shape as his own city and were being drained of their middle class, too. There was L.A. but that was so far away and California was so... Californian. Good for a visit and a fine business associate, but he could never get passed how overly laid-back she was about some things. Miami was a great place and Espen was terribly fond of Florida, but... sometimes he got the impression he had overstayed his welcome. Rutilio didn't always appreciate the floods of transplants coming in and frequently complained about being forced to pave over his precious swamps to make room for them and all. Besides, he secretly worried about going to Miami now that it was so popular. It just wasn't cool anymore when everyone was doing it.

But, other than Miami, Detroit, Chicago, or L.A. where was he to take his precious New Yorkers? It needed to be a reasonably big city for them to feel at home and relatively cheap so they could afford it. Which somehow led him here to Atlanta, Georgia.

"This place is soooooo unbelievably boring," New York complained miserably to Florida as he sprawled unhappily on the couch. "Why doesn't Georgia have any real culture? Where are all the plays and the nightlife? Everything shuts down after 2am around here!"

"Of course there is no Broadway in Atlanta, chico," Rutilio pointed out as he watched with some amusement as Espen floundered in the cruel reality of Southern living. It was a simpler, slower paced life far different from the stimulating world he knew in NYC. He was all but itching with irritation and homesickness. "Nor is there a 'New York night life' in Georgia."

"It's horrible!" New York sighed. "Sure it's cheaper, but everyone keeps calling me yankee--"

"--You are a yankee." Espen glared and Rutilio grinned.

"... They keep calling me yankee and they're all so slow. Why is Georgia so slow? Is he stupid?" New York asked as he decided to just ignore that little quip. Florida's smile thinned and he pursed his lips together as he struggled not to laugh while glancing at the young man who was only sitting three feet from them trying very hard to read his book and ignore his unwelcome house guest. He could all but hear the pulsing of the angry vein at Georgia's temple and was pretty sure the room was trembling faintly while the other southerner shook with absolute rage.

"You know..." George Christian finally spoke up as his hospitality skills began to crack and splinter beneath the overwhelming rage in his heart. "If you hate it here that much you could, I don't know... leave? I certainly wouldn't mind the lack of company."

"Or you could just stop sucking," Espen politely suggested. That was the final straw and Florida had to be the one to jump between them and catch Christian mid lunge for the Northerner's throat.

"P-Peaches, no!" Rutilio grunted as the outraged state made evil grabby hands for New York who seemed disinterested in his near death experience. "He is merely homesick, si?"

"I'll send him back home in a fucking box!" Christian swore.

"I really wish I had a good bagel right now... Or a half decent pizza," Espen continued absentmindedly while he sulked out the window and lamented how his life had come to this. It was just too much to bare.

"The grits that I've tried at your place suck, but you know what I do about? I don't go to New York and expect to order real southern grits!"

"Atlanta is too backwards to even know how to make a real pizza..." The struggle to restrain Georgia became ten times as difficult.

"At least my city doesn't smell like ass and drowns the counties around it!" Christian snarled. That finally got Espen's attention and he blushed. H-He was getting to fixing the Delaware Aqueduct! Wawarsing wasn't in that bad of shape... Ok, maybe it was flooded, full of sink holes and moldy due to his negligence, but the people would forgive him, right? Sometimes it was hard keeping track of his upstate areas when NYC demanded so much attention. Either way, it was embarrassing for someone as progressive as he was to have such a horrible mess in his own back yard.

"W-Well, at least my city doesn't try to dehydrate the counties around it!" New York snapped back, knowing all too well that Atlanta's problems with taking water from Lake Lanier put a strain on Georgia's own people downstream as well as Alabama and Florida.

"IF YOUR PEOPLE WOULD JUST GO HOME AND STOP RUINING ATLANTA THEN MY WATER TROUBLES WOULD BE OVER!!" Christian shouted and Rutilio felt his ears ring from the high pitched damn near shriek that erupted from the taller state. He finally had to let go and put his hands over them, but his suffering went completely unnoticed by the feuding Empire State and the Empire State of the South.

"Is this Southern Hospitality? Because it sure isn't hospitable!"

"It's hard to be hospitable to someone that's so rude! Why do you always have to be so rude!? Quit being so rude!"

"I am not rude! New Yorkers are always friendly to tourists and I help them get places all the time!"

"That doesn't make up for all the other shit you pull!"

"I don't even know what you're talking about! You're the rudest!"

"Do you even know what rude means!?"

Florida watched helplessly as both states screamed back and forth at each other. They really were terrible room mates, but this had been going on for years now. Well, so long as this didn't turn into a mini Civil War he supposed it was just the natural order of things. Peaches and apples were both sweet in their own ways, but they were just so different and rarely tasted good mixed together...

Rutilio pulled out an orange and nibbled on the fruit which suited him best while he waited for the dust to settle.
This was mostly inspired while I was skimming through news articles last night. Originally I was looking for information on that horrible Colorado shooting because one of my former neighbors got his leg shot up in that theater, but then I got distracted when I saw some things online about New Yorkers moving to Atlanta. Pretty much all the comments online except for a few were of people ragging on how awful Atlanta was in comparison to New York City. I could sympathize with them being homesick and wanting something more familiar, but at the same time I felt sorry for people in Atlanta who have to put up with people trash talking their home.

I wonder if it was ok I included it in my Florida and New York thing since it was mostly about New York and Georgia fighting... Oh, well. Next I want to do something about Florida messing with North Carolina since she has apparently become the new most popular retirement destination!

<w<; I write so many Florida stories... *should really be finishing some other things, but short stories are sometimes faster and easier to write*

GA belongs to :iconkikikittyninja:
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KiKiKittyNinja's avatar
God, it really does happen all the time. Shit, there were people in my school who hadn't lived in NYC since they were 5 and bitching about how much "Georgia sucks" and I would look to them and say, "THEN GO THE FUCK HOME! NO ONE'S FORCING YOU TO STAY, IDIOT!" And yes, I have had arguments like this frequently.

GA: NYC smells like hot piss, even in the dead of winter, and it snows too much, and there's no point in owning a car or even paying for one of his stupid taxis since there's so much traffic and yet everyone there tries to get ridiculously over-priced cars to compensate for how much they all suck. =_= *grumbles*